does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
