it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
