I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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