Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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