one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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