i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
