I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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