I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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