And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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