you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
