i think my mom watched the whole time
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
