i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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