You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
