I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
