i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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