Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
