The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
