every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
