Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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