Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
