sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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