i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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