my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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