Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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