If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
