how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
