Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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