ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
