the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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