Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
