he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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