Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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