he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
