I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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