I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
