peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
