Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
