I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
