So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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