Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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