so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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