I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
