So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
