he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
