So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
