I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
