omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
