Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
