if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
