wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
