I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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