even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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